Wind beneath your what?

Me: Hey, this guy says he'll meet you for lunch "at his new place", but I don't see an address. Do you know where it is?
Him: Nope, but I'll figure it out in time.
Me: ..........you mean you'll have me scramble at the last minute to find out, don't you?
Him: Exactly! I'll figure it out in time.
Me: -_-

Phew!

Coworker: (to him) I wish I could've seen your face during that meeting.
Him: (to coworker) My face is exactly why he freaked out the next day.
Me: .....Yeah. Your face freaks me out almost every day.
Him: ..............NICE! That was a softball, and you hit a home run!
Me: .....uh, really? Is that sarcasm?
Him: No! Totally! I'd fire you for it, but it makes me laugh too much.
Me: ....................well, good.

MGTHIDNA!

Me: (in chat) Is this your iPad on my desk?
Him: (verbally) .....uh, yeah.
Me: (in chat) Would you like it back?
Him: (verbally) .....unh, mgthidna.
Me: (in chat) Uhhhhh, could you repeat that in English?
Him: (verbally and purposely mumbled this time) ...MGTHIDNA!
Me: (delivering iPad) ....oooookay. Here y'gooo.

Zippin It!

Him to Coworker(tm): (typical Bossipoo-style sarcastic comment)
Me: Hey! Quit picking on Coworker(tm)!
Him: If I didn't have Coworker(tm) to pick on, I'd hafta pick on you 100% of the time.
Me: ................ Sorry, Coworker(tm). You're on your own.