Lodging

Me: (complaining about my 2-bridge commute)
Him: You should get a place nextdoor.
Me: I could never afford that.
Him: Just get a 2 bedroom, and AirBnB the extra room.
Me: You ARE aware it isn't the safest thing for a single girl to have strangers in her living space on a semi-regular basis, right?
Him: I thought you knew 12 different ways to kill a man with your bare hands. No?
Me: -_-

I have that effect on some.

Me: Your 11am is running late due to accidents.
Him: Why are you causing so many accidents?
Me: I'm not causing the accidents!
Him: How do you know you're not? You didn't see them happen.
Me: So, do you think the drivers were distracted by dreams of me?
Him: Bwaaahahahahahaha!
Me: .......you could've laughed a little less readily on that one, bub.