Spellcheck

Him: When you're really mad, it's spelled P-I-S-S-E-D, right?
Me: If you're emailing someone else, correct. If you're emailing me it's spelled L-O-V-E.
Him: ...............um.
Me: I know. I even made mySELF wanna puke on that one.
Him: That's spelled P-U-K-E, btw.
Me: Yes it is. Thanks.

TADAAAA!!!!

Him: Can you figure out if I can get to/from this specific airport in Mexico on specific dates without ever spending more than 2 hours on layover anywhere?
Me: ......and while also balancing a spoon on your nose?
Him: .........shut up.

*stabstabstabstabSTAB*

Him: Hey, could you check to make sure the press release was sent to (name of third person he's asked about within last 10 minutes)?
Me: Yes. He was included. Are you going to ask me about many more people, or are you going to trust I covered everyone you asked me to? I keep having to back out of the task I'm working on to make these double/triple checks happen.
Him: Awwwwww. It sucks to hafta do your job, doesn't it?
Me: Not at all. It sucks to hafta STOP doing your job in order to prove to your boss you already did your previous job correctly.
Him: ..................fair enough.

(he hasn't asked me to confirm anyone since)

Peckish

Him: (referring to someone late to a mtg) What have you done with him?!
Me: Afternoon snack! He was delicious!
Him: You're not allowed to eat our CEOs!
Me: That wasn't on the rules list, now, was it?

Rules Schmules

Me: That CEO's been tough to get replies out of ever since I declined his invitation to go out dancing.
Him: Maybe you should've gone out dancing with him.
Me: Uh.... no.
Him: New rule! You should do anything the CEOs ask you to do.
Me: Dude, I'll come in there and stab you.
Him: Not doing that is *definitely* on the rule list.

Vacay Mkay?

Him: I'm probably gonna be out from April 15-22 for Spring Break. Would you mind calendaring that for me?
Me: Well, I'll add it to the schedule, but I better not see any Bossipoo Gone Wild videos coming outta that.
Him: ........... I can't guarantee that.
Me: (shudder)